justbeingdione
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Below are the 10 most recent journal entries recorded in the "justbeingdione" journal:[<< Previous 10 entries]
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11:44 pm
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HI IM BACK
its been really loooong i had blogged. decided to come back for a while and vent a little.. things been complicated. don't know whats the truth. i no longer know how to judge. not sure if i believe again will i be hurt again. i wanted to tell myself its ok, start over afresh but seeing things that i don't wish to see, tears my heart a lot. i kept quiet, i accept the fact and now I'm letting go. i am not asking for sympathy or pity from others, but i know sometimes things are fated and we can force upon it. so smile and walk off if things don't for well anymore. one day when we looked back, at least good memories are there. all sadness will fade away with time. will start to smile again and be myself..
6 more weeks to end of this semester misery!!! and i will be flying off to BALI WITH ALBERT! can't wait to stop handing assignments and writing useless essays that is not very helpful to my teaching.. omg.. its hell. but soon will pamper myself in BALI. itinerary all planned! my dinner at the beach, countless massage, food, trips to temples and luxurious bars and clubs we are eyeing.. woohoo..
these few weeks was so into these collage things, seeing ppl with those photos collage on Facebook interest me.. so decided to try some and have fun. kills time and takes my mind away when I'm too stressed. Soon its mid april, waiting for our ballot results. can't wait and if we were to get the unit, at least i now i won't leave my dear parents for my life!! wahaha! and can always use my mum for further usage.. hehe! hopefully she doesn't know my ultimate plan, be my maid! hehe!
life still goes on even ppl come and goes. its ok that ppl are angry or disappointed with u, maybe they don't know the whole truth and i won't blame them. time will show and prove that i will be happy and i changed a lot from someone who depend on others a lot but someone who can make decision by myself. will be happy and i know ppl will be happy for me.good nights. 2more days to weekends! FIghting! to all people who are lonely, u are never alone <3
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09:01 am
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1st major disappointment
Our very first major and proper fight between us.i don't know who is at fault and I'm not looking for the fault and blame on one another. but i think sometimes when one is angry and pissed off, u shunt vent it on the other when sty happen. i can't control my phone to die on me and in order to contact u in the later night when u end ur class, i was considerate enough to switch off to save that last bit of batt life for u. but who knows u have no class due to update of schedule. but i still turn on, but u doubt me that i don't want to pick up ur call, and raised ur voice on when i bloody considerate enough to find a pay phone which is bloody hell can't be found in singapore! to call u and let u know i will be here and i reached. but both of us were waiting at the wrong side, i was at the door of cafe cartel and u were outside. but the first thing u said : are u eating cafe cartel? and giving me the black face, telling me that u been out there standing and walking at MBS and Expo. now dinner time was better. but my mood was horrible. super horrible. I'm just controlling my temper only. because i know its ur first day of work and probably there are so much to absorb. then start shipping for dad birthday gift, ur bag was heavy u walked and stand the whole day. and ur face is cleared stated TIRED! start rushing me and when we were looking ard, u were just hoping to finish it early. i don't know cos of what reason or cos the shops are closing. but i don't feel comfortable.
not only u have a bad day, i have mine. i have a load of information that i received in NIE , assignment dateline, this group project and own assignment dateline to rub. and i was planning my timetable to fit into my busy schedule and also fitting u into it. so i decided to remove my passion- dance at jitterbugs, and u told me the one stopping to concentrate and focus on my passion is myself. so that means i shunt give up and sacrifice the time we can spend on one another? i guess i was wrong. i shd live for myself. and not for u. I'm speechless la. i don't know to feel sad or angry. I'm just out of words.
u say don't judge cos of 1 day and dose faith on u me and us. but if it happen once it will bound to be twice. thats all i want to say. there will another time such situation to happen. Thursday u are meeting my family for dad bday dinner at MBS. now with this argument and stuff. thursday gonna be awkward. hai.....
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02:43 pm
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I had a great birthday.
First surprise: dinner at hilton o the 16th Dec. Butter with me in the night and we had our fun.
2nd surprise: booking a room at Studio M hotel which is one of the hotel i wanted to go all the while. the room was white , bed was fluffy, we had red wine, strawberry cherry and sushi. Watched Home alone1 and our fav korean variety show, running man. but one thing wasted was we forgot abt the taking pictures in the hotel. the room was double story with a huge glass window and seeing the city view. though we are only level 3 but its was cosy and sweet.
3rd surprise: Butter party in the night. with lovely cupcakes - strawberry cream cupcakes by baed by lace. it taste so good. and everyone was praising for the taste. its awesome.
4th surprise: i was told by all my girlfriends that they saw a stern man standing from far looking a crazy woman dancing on the pole and drunk. they found a man standing watching over the woman. he was like an eagle watching over his prey...
5th surprise: totally drunk and he took care of the drunkard. warming her feet wit warm towels, removing her contact lenses and tug her to bed.waking up and realized that he never sleep well and just watching at me. prepared my breakfast on bed- with more birthday cakes and sandwiches and a lovely tea.
24th dec was a lovely and pleasant day with my best friends, my loved one and i found a man to depend on. Thank you Mr A. i will cherish.
25th dec, Was another surprise which is having brunch with his sister, Sue and sister in law, Sam. Was stressful as both are educated and their english are like pi li pa la!! woa.. i was perspiring most of the time but in the end.. I passed. hehe! phew.... bought cupcakes for his sis and family. really such events are really stressful. its not easy... we watched sherlock holmes 2 which was good, i would say better than Mission impossible 4. but both are still good movies, they shd be watched. then lastly we have a long chat at fort canning park for 2hrs. keep talking. oh!! before that we went to the National museum to look at some painting. something more intellectual. haha!
anyways, i have a good whole 3 days from 23rd dec till 25th dec. thanks Mr A.
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09:54 am
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13th Dec 2011, Tea with love
Arteastiq Tea Lounge & Art Jam, Mandarin Gallery, with Mr A. Lovely afternoon, small drizzle outside the window. Women chattering, baby cries, mother's panic, and a couple enjoying each other existence just by reading magazine.
 
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10:25 pm
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Im giving up .
I had enough le. I had put enough efforts in organizing events for ppl and friends. I really hope someone could do sty for me, i hope when i say I'm feeling down, someone could be by my side and sit by me and listen to me. I realized i have noone. Whoever and whenever, u all feel upset or what I'm always or should say i won't fail to either meet u all up or make u all happy. but any of u realized that i never been really happy and been troubled and had approached me to talk to me abt issues. or is it i been giving in too much focus of others and not myself.
No more parties for others, parties for myself and with true friends only. And i know who are my true real friends. I just be myself, don't think for others so much think for urself. live for urself. I'm just gonna break down soon. its draining my energy.. I'm very tired. really very tired.
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12:27 am
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11.11.11
11.11.11. We decided to put a fills top to our journey together. I guess accepting the other party personality is difficult. Being who u are and not compromising i guess its just difficult. I thought i changed, yes i did. I changed to be a independent woman, no more clingy but still. Me keep everything to myself and not saying out is still a problem. Probably just not the one. No more turning back i guess. But just move on. its nt so difficult since i have always done that. So smile Miss A. Soon, there will be someone again in ur life. Jiayous. Fighting. :)
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09:48 pm
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Always feeding me.
Always feeding me with food, food, food. Feeding me with your care and tender love. Im bloated. I'm full. Filled to the brim and its overflowing. But don't stop cos its never enough. :)
BBQ buffet at Blue korea BBQ restaurant at Link Hotel. Lovely place. Its all meat meat and quality was not bad, with a good range of meat, vegetables, kimchi and also cooked food. Its a traditional restaurant, i would say at least it has all the traditional korean food that they shd have so far.
Enjoyed ourself, and only me drinking SOJU. trying to get me drunk. evil intention i know it. :((
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08:43 am
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30th oct 2011, U make me nervous
Sunday, usual routine, dance at troupe... having lots of fun and exploring new moves, discussion of matters and decided to start to learn choreography and taking even more courses. already in the dance program me at jitterbugs, I'm taking up even more courses to further pursuit of my dance path. means I'm gonna tire myself even more, but its okay. whats there to complain when u are doing the thing u love. :)
dinner deciding to be at newton circus or ecp. decided eco cos too difficult to park eat newton, no point. eco lagoon food centre, awesome food!! We had stingray, stir fried vegetable-oyster sauced kai lan ( which i think it taste different), ROJAK( ONE OF THE BEST I LOVE! TOTAL RECOMMEND), beef noodles, chicken wings and soy milk! PLUS his mango dessert. WOa... water by two of us, but mostly him cos I'm on diet. :) soon enough u will see him turning to a ball.. tsk tsk. after dinner, decided to take a walk along the beach (My FAV activity), it always feel good to just take a stroll along the beach, sit down and chit chat.
Had a heart filling talk, discussing our future and past experiences, getting to know each other better. But u make me nervous, i have no idea why i am reacting this way because its not like i never had that type of experience. But why is it tat this feelings doesn't appear in my past relationships, or its just been some time.. i don't know actually. hmm... u just make me nervous. thats all i have to say.
i miss taking photo of my food!! and i will do it once i get my iPhone 4S!! argh!!!! stupid htc, won't believe in others when they say this phone is good! it sucks ttm! angry!!!
a long weekend to go, 3 parties to attend, BUTTER HERE I COME!! wahaha! guys out there careful.. cos we are coming....
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02:00 pm
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I found you. <3
Take your time- Cary Borthers
I received this one night in my Facebook message. Take your time, i will be waiting for you here...
I think i said all i can say
Using up all my potions and spells tonight
You will find out when you pull through
That I fought too
So take your time close your eyes
I will be there here with you
They may be right I may be foolish
But I will wait for you
Skin is so pale I see through
Bones are like glass they won’t let me touch you
Pray to the sky I wanna see a proof
Why’d he choose you
So take your time the odds are high
Find More lyrics at www.sweetslyrics.com
But I believe in you
They may be right I may be foolish
There maybe some design
But I will wait for you
I am here to fight
For only love decides
I am here to fight
For only love decides
I am here to fight
For only love decides
In the morning light
I will wake to find you
Opening your eyes
I cried.I did. And i will definitely gee you my answer once I'm sure and sure about my true feelings.
in the cinema, i saw a guy holding my hand tightly and never let it go for 2hrs 40 mins.i think i found someone who will hold me thru and down the long road. I found someone who will cuddle in my hug and feel my warmth. i found someone who touch my face gently, always observing me every time he sees me.
so darkness in me, please go away. dark clouds shall not shadow me anymore. i will see a rainbow cos U are my colors and sunshine to my life. Mr A. Thank you. Thank you for appearing that night. :))))
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05:46 pm
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Understanding
The most attractive thing about u is ur understanding. I can have you and have time for my friends and family. 90% of guys want you. And tats why i like you so much.
He said that to me, holding my hands tight. Looking at me, tell me : I will give you as much time as you, I wait for you.
His finger gently sweep down my face when he sense I'm not well. His firm hold of my palms always assure me.
Thank you Mr A.
Im glad i met you. But just give me more time , cos deep inside there still live someone else.
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